When it comes to how you expect the other woman to behave, could you meet those same standards?
Never say a single bad word against you. Always do what’s best for the children (according to your private interpretation). Never be late (come hell, high water or bad traffic).
Never get angry, be snippy, play the victim, or be a flake.
Life is messy. You solve three or four problems and twelve others line up to take their place.
We all know it: everyone drops the ball on a daily basis.
Doesn’t life just seem impossible, in some ways?
And one thing we do that helps is to vent about it. To our friends. To co-workers. To perfect strangers. Yes, even with the kids in our lives.
We connect. We gain support. Comfort and reassurance.
If we’re doing it right, we use venting temporarily to release pressure, just like a pressure cooker’s bobbing weight lets off extra steam. We let off steam with sympathetic friends so that we can then take action. We take action to hopefully, fingers crossed, fix the problem (while 11 others unravel in the background).
So if you nail the other woman’s ass because she has the audacity to vent and present a skewed analysis of “the situation” as you see it, you will always be unhappy.
If you nail the other woman’s ass because she dared express one of the “negative” emotions, such as anger, frustration, superiority, competitiveness, self-pity, or vengefulness, while refusing to consider whether she might actually be trying to find a temporary, empowering response to a difficult situation, then your own emotional reactions to her will constantly remain on Red Alert.
If you nail the other woman’s ass over mistakes and situations that you would easily excuse in yourself because of the natural messiness of being human, you will constantly feel under siege, as if she’s doing these things on purpose to make your life miserable.
She is, after all, just a person.
Why is she expected to be perfect — and you’re not?
And what might happen if you held her to the standards you normally apply to yourself and those you love?
© 2011 Jennifer Newcomb Marine All Rights Reserved