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I know many of you have been falsely accused of a variety of offenses by the other woman. Some of them completely ridiculous that left you thinking, Where the hell did that come from?? She couldn’t be more wrong!
Its like she concocted some strange story and she fully believes it.
So how do you know when to speak up and defend yourself or to turn your back?
Let the past guide you.
At some point, it was the first time she falsely accused you. And that first time you probably defended yourself.
Because obviously if you just explained it to her, she’d get it.
If she was receptive to your explanation, then you probably have a good chance of her being receptive again.
She wants to resolve whatever problem is looming.
She’s open to you. She’s willing to admit she made an assumption and is looking for the truth.
But if she refused to hear you, insisted that you were lying and that she knows the truth about you, then that’s a good indicator (although not always) that you should probably just walk away.
Remember, silence is golden, because the way I see it you have two choices:
1. Defend yourself. Respond by letting said person know how utterly ridiculous the accusations are. Which would definitely be followed by her defending her position even more and attempting to convince you that she’s right.
Because her belief about the situation is her reality. It may be false, but to her it’s very real and there’s no convincing her otherwise.
2. Ignore it. Completely disengage in regards to the accusations. Don’t respond. Not even once. Put it away in a folder for safe keeping, laugh at the absurdity and get on with your life and the things that are important to you.
Which is more appealing?
Which seems healthier?
I’m not saying it’s easy to ignore someone who is trying to sabotage you – but with enough self-restraint, it can be done. And you’ll find much more peace than if you were to engage her in a futile battle.
You might even find yourself feeling defeated at first, because you so wanted to have a decent relationship with her.
But what you’re doing takes a lot of personal power. It takes a confident person to not need to defend their opinion. To not need to prove something to someone else.
Maybe you reached a point where you were kind to each other and it’s sad to think of those days as over.
Being the eternal optimist that I am, I always say that if you experienced something good before, it’s possible to have that again. Just not while you’re being treated poorly.
Why does this happen?
I guess some women think you MUST be to blame, because if not you, then who?
And if you’re a stepmom, sometimes when the relationship between your partner and his ex goes down the drain, yours and hers goes down with it, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.
But it’s up to you to decide how many times you’re willing to participate in this dance.
How much energy do you have left?
What’s it worth to you?
What’s it costing you?
The bottom line is, you know the truth.
Your loved ones know the truth.
Everyone who matters to you knows the truth.
Why let her words trump all that?
*Note* – I’m not referring to somone who is constantly harassing you or being physically abusive. In those cases I’m all for calling in law enforcement, or whatever means are necessary to keep yourself safe.
© 2011 Jenna Korf All Rights Reserved
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